One of the scariest feelings in the world is being pregnant and not knowing what to do next. Unfortunately many women go through this situation every day, and most don’t know where to turn. Adoption is becoming more popular with many, but how do you know if it’s right for you?
Why People Choose Adoption
Adoption is a difficult decision, and everyone arrives at it in their own way. However, in many adoption journeys there are common threads. Some of the reasons we see people choose to place their children for adoption are:
- They don’t feel ready to become a parent, or they think having a child would interfere with the course of their life.
- They didn’t expect to become pregnant but still don’t want to end their unborn child’s life through abortion.
- They don’t have enough support, money, or outside help to raise the child the way they want to.
Is Adoption Right for You?
If you’re pregnant and unsure of your next steps, you might be wondering if placing your baby for adoption is a good fit for you. One of the best ways to help make this decision is to ask yourself questions about your life as it is now and what it would be like with a child. For instance:
- How much support do you have from others in your life? Raising a child is difficult, but raising a child without any help is far harder. If you don’t have family or close friends nearby, you could find yourself struggling with being a parent.
- Do you earn enough money to handle expenses like child care, diapers, clothes and other necessities? Do you think your current job will be flexible with your scheduling so you can be a good parent?
- Are your home and job stable, or are they likely to change in the near future? Children grow up best when they have stability and a strong routine. If you don’t think you can provide that easily, parenting might not be right for you.
- Will having a baby affect my ability to care for myself or others in my family (including other children I already have)? Many parents who place a child for adoption are already parents to one or more children, but they feel their lives would be taxed too much by an additional baby.
- Will having a baby affect my current or future plans, such as my ability to attend college or follow my chosen career path? Children demand attention, care, and time. If you don’t have much to provide you’ll find parenting a much greater challenge.
When you’re answering these questions, remember to be honest with yourself. Also, keep in mind that the decision you make isn’t just affecting your own life but the life of the child inside you.
Along with internal questions and considerations, it can also help to seek input and answers from other women who have made adoption plans for their children. There are many online communities for birth mothers and birth families who placed their children for adoption, and they’ll offer you a wealth of perspectives if you ask for them.
Finally, you can seek guidance and support from professionals such as those at our Oklahoma adoption agency. The best thing about counselors is they only help you decide what’s best for you and your child. They’ll never push you to make a certain decision or change your mind.
Misconceptions about Adoption
Alongside the questions, many women and families also have misconceptions about adoption. These common misconceptions might seem harmless but they often make women less likely to see adoption as an option in their own lives.
Some of the most common misconceptions are:
I won’t know what kind of family my child will end up with.
In truth, birth mothers have complete control over who adopts their child. You can choose the family for your child along with the ongoing level of involvement in the child’s life. We also take extensive measures, including background checks, interviews, and home studies, to ensure families will make good adoptive parents.
I won’t know anything about my child after they’re adopted.
Many women fear losing all contact with their birth child, but in truth closed adoptions are increasingly rare. Open adoptions are much more common and they allow for varying degrees of contact between birth mothers and adopted children. Contact can include pictures, video calls and even in-person visits between families.
After the adoption is over, I won’t have any more support.
Post-adoption life can be hard, and many women fear losing the support of the adoptive family after the child is born. However, our adoption agency also offers a strong post-adoption support system for birth mothers including counseling, resources, support groups and retreats to make the transition easier.
We know how difficult it can be to choose adoption. If you have questions or want more information, call us today at Deaconess Pregnancy and Adoption. We’re here to listen and to help. Call (405) 949-4200 or visit our Facebook page for more guidance and help.