Is Adoption Right for Me and My Baby?

It can be a very scary feeling to find out you are pregnant and not know what to do next.  You’ll probably hear about a lot of different options and may feel overwhelmed and not sure where to turn.  Our staff is available to walk with you and help you examine all your options in a non-judgmental atmosphere so you can decide, “Is adoption right for me and my baby?”

Why People Choose Adoption

Adoption is a complex decision, and everyone arrives at it in their own way; however, in most adoption journeys, there are common threads.  Some of the reasons we see people choose to place their children for adoption are:

• The expectant mom doesn’t feel ready to become a parent, or they are already parenting other children and do not feel they can offer what they want and need to give to an additional child.
• She didn’t expect to become pregnant but don’t feel good about abortion and the risks that come with it.
• They don’t have enough support, money, or outside help to raise the child the way they want to.

Is Adoption Right for Me?

If you’re pregnant and unsure of your next steps, you might be wondering if placing your baby for adoption is a good fit for you.  One of the best ways to help make this decision is to ask yourself questions about your life as it is now and what it would be like with a child.

• How much support do you have from others in your life both emotionally and in practical ways, like babysitting and financial support?
• Do you earn enough money to handle expenses like child care, diapers, clothes and other necessities?
• Do you think your current job will be flexible with your scheduling so you can be the parent you want to be?
• How does the father of your baby feel about parenting – does that impact your ability to parent the way you want to?
• Are your home and job stable, or are they likely to change in the near future?
• Will having a baby affect my ability to care for myself or others in my family (including other children I already have)?
• Will having a baby affect my current or future plans, such as my ability to attend college or follow my chosen career path?

When you’re answering these questions, remember to be honest with yourself.  Keep in mind what is in your best interest as well as your child’s.

What does the process look like?

Many women also have questions about what the process of an adoption looks like.  Below is a step-by-step guide of the process through our agency:

• First Meeting: We will meet you anywhere that is convenient and walk you through the process.
• Paperwork: We will help you walk through the necessary paperwork.
• Choosing a Family: We will show you profiles of our waiting families and you can select the family that is best for you.
• Meeting Your Family: We will be with you as you meet the family you’ve chosen to ensure you are feeling comfortable and ready.
• Doctors: If you need help finding a doctor or you need transportation to appointments, we’re here for you.
• Delivery: You can design your birth plan and decide who is at the hospital and how much time you want with your baby.
• Hospital Discharge: The baby will go home from the hospital with the adoptive family you’ve chosen.
• Legal Process: We will set up the required court hearing and provide an attorney for you in the relinquishment of your rights.
• Lifelong Care: We’re not going anywhere. We want to support you in the days and years following placement.

Choosing to make an adoption plan is not an easy decision and does not mean in any way that you are shirking your responsibility or that you do not love your child.  Adoption provides different opportunities and possibilities for your child and only you can determine if that is what is best.  We want to walk with you as you evaluate your decision and provide tangible and emotional support to you no matter what you decide.

Misconceptions about Adoption

Alongside questions, many women and families also have misconceptions about adoption.  These common misconceptions might seem harmless but they often make women less likely to see adoption as an option in their own lives.

I won’t know what kind of family my child will end up with.

In truth, expectant mothers have complete control over who adopts their child.  You can choose the family for your child along with your ongoing level of involvement in the child’s life.  You can meet the adoptive parents before the baby is born to make sure you feel comfortable with them, determine if you want them to be at the hospital or not, and have an ongoing relationship with them after the baby is adopted.  Many women worry about safety of the family, which is our top priority.  We take extensive measures, including background checks, interviews, and home studies, to ensure families will make good adoptive parents.  Check out our waiting family profiles.

I won’t know anything about my child after they’re adopted.

Many women fear losing all contact with their child, but in truth closed adoptions are increasingly rare.  Open adoptions are much more common and they allow for varying degrees of contact between birth mothers and adopted children.  Contact can include pictures, letters, video calls, and even in-person visits between families.  Our staff will talk to you about your preferences for openness and will show you profiles of waiting families that are ready to have that level of relationship with you.

After the adoption is over, I won’t have any more support.

Post-adoption life does involve grief and can feel isolating as it may feel there are not many that understand what you are going through.  Just because there is grief does not mean you made the wrong decision.  Our agency offers lifelong support for birth mothers, including counseling, resources, support groups, and retreats to make the transition easier.  We can also connect you with other birth mothers so you can be supported by a community that understands your journey.

We’re here to help

We know how difficult it can be deciding if adoption is right for you as you look at all your options. If you have questions or want more information, call us today at Deaconess Pregnancy and Adoption. We’re here to listen and to help. Call (405) 949-4200 or email us at info@dpaok.org.